Everyone Hates Spider-Man!
by MiscellaneousSoup
Summary: Not everyone is happy about Spider-Man joining the Marvel Cinematic Universe...


**A/N: Just a goofy idea that I had when I first heard the wonderful news.**

**Everyone Hates Spider-Man!**

**by MiscellaneousSoup**

Finally, after many, many long years of waiting, Spider-Man was accepted into the Marvel Cinematic Universe! The fans started to squeal with happiness, the fanfictions were being written, and the fan theories had already reached critical mass. However, how do the other characters feel about being left out?

_The Bar…_

Cyclops slammed his mug on the bench. "Bartender, 'nother drink!" Hiccuping slightly, he turned to Wolverine. "So, that little webbed punk made it!"

Wolverine grunted. "Eh. I've been in some successful films. As long as they don't kill me off like that "Death Of Wolverine" stunt, I'll be fine. Sheesh, ya'd think they'd learn. How many times have I been killed off?"

Cyclops burst into tears, pounding the table with one hand. "THEY KILLED ME! I'm one of the founding members and they flippin' killed me! Cameos and alternate reality versions, now the main actor for me is going to get replaced! I want to be in Marvel. Fox can rot in-"

Wolverine slapped Scott with a napkin. "Shut up, idiot! They can hear everything we say! One wrong word and you'll get your own _Origins_ film." He shuddered and drank some more beer.

Away from the barstool, the Fantastic Four sat in a book, eating chicken wings and pizza. Reed kept stabbing his pizza with a fork. "Teenagers? They're turning us into teenagers? That trailer looks fairly okay, but it also looks like every other sci-fi trailer ever made! Dear God, this is going to be horrible!"

Johnny shrugged. "Eh, I have no problem with it. I still have fire powers and I'm shown working on a cool car. That's all I really need. Still, I bet Tony's done some really cool things with cars in the MCU. Susie?"

Susan held up the fork. "Think you could stab me in the head? At least _Rise Of The Silver Surfer_ had my wedding! That's a classic story! True, they couldn't do the whole thing because Fox doesn't have the rights to the other heroes, but they do have Dr. Doom. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to shield myself with an energy bubble. I have a lot of swearing to do and I don't need to get kicked out again."

Doom burst through the wall. "RICCCCHHHHHHAAAARRRDSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!"

Reed looked up from his soggy pizza. "Oh, great. What is it, Victor?"

Doom burst into tears. "A teenager who blogs? That's the worst thing I've ever heard! I am DOOM! I'm a scientist, a man of pride and great intelligence, not some piffling Internet whiner! When I speak, the world listens! If that sniveling whiner speaks, the most he'll get will be crude Internet comments. When I rule the world, bloggers will be put to work in my dungeons, to produce propaganda!"

The Thing yanked his headphones off. "Hey, Doom, can ya quit yackin'? I'm tryin' ta watch some tv!" He shoved his iPad in Doom's face threateningly.

Deadpool walked over to the table and sat down, shoving over a still-swearing Susan. "Hey, what up? Things are coming up Deadpool! I'm getting my own movie! Jealous?"

Dr. Doom sniffed and walked away. "RIIIICCCHHHHAAAARRRRRRRRRRDDSSSSSSSSSS, tell that taco-eating buffoon that I am above speaking to his ilk."

Reed ignored him. "Wait, you're not mad?"

Deadpool gnawed on a slab of steak. "Man, this stuff is great! Mad? Why would I be mad? The test footage got leaked, people liked it, so Fox is wising up and getting their asses in gear to make me a film!"

Johnny raised his hand. "Hey, why can _you_ swear when you're talking about Fox? I mean, people can't hear Susan doing it, so that's okay, but you're openly cursing."

Deadpool made an extremely rude gesture to Johnny while holding up a breadstick with his other hand. "I got free reign, baby! The public'll riot if anything happens to their 'precious little Deadpool!' I've been getting angry text messages from some dude in a green bug costume all day. Loser!"

The door swung open, ringing a tiny bell. Everyone turned to see Spider-Man casually strolling in. "Hi, guys. I just thought I'd come in here one last time to say goodbye. I'm getting ready for my MCU-debut. I've been going over some _very_ interesting plans with my agent."

Deadpool, Susan Storm (still swearing), Johnny, Reed, the Thing, Wolverine, Cyclops, Silver Surfer, Cable, Galactus, Man-Thing, Namor, Professor X, Magneto, Mystique, Phoenix, Storm, Bobby Drake, Rogue, Kitty Pryde, Pyro, Jubilee, Beast, Colossus, Apocalypse, Gambit, William Stryker, Dr. Moira MacTaggert, and every background character ever used by Fox and Sony all swarmed Spider-Man and started beating him up.

Just then, Stan Lee appeared. "Excelsior! Hey, hey, get off! Don't hurt Spider-Man!"

A bruised and bloody Spider-Man looked up, with the faintest glimmer of hope in his eye.

Stan kicked Spider-Man in the face. "_I_ want to get in on this! Lemme at him!"

**THE END**


End file.
